I've been asking a question this year, one for myself and one that has arisen out of my observations of others. "Is it possible to live a joyful, abundant, magical life in the face of loss and life challenges?" What do we do in this big, scary world where traumatic events happen every second on a small and large scale? How should we react, respond or even live? I suppose it's simple and complex, but I experienced some of that magic through my own collapse on the path to Heart Lake. It was our anniversary weekend and this seemed like the perfect destination to celebrate. I woke up in the morning and began preparing for the hike, feeling a random kind of weakness surging through my body, but I pressed on expecting it to pass. We arrived at the trailhead and I robotically moved myself forward. We stepped onto a wooden-plank bridge and I looked to my left. I saw an old aboandoned, building and my attention was drawn to a picture of Chloe exploring it, something she loved to do. Her absence overcame me and the tears started welling up in my heart. Like a fragile crystal tea cup, I felt myself starting to shatter. I pulled off the trail, close to the river and Herm followed me and sat beside me. I resisted revealing my inner landscape, but I knew I couldn't hide it, and I proceeded to collapse, the tears rolling down my face. He sat with me as we have learned to do, being with each other just as the moment is. Finally, I said, "I can't go on." I waited for his response, expecting him to agree that we didn't need to hike that day and we could just return to the camper and sleep for the rest of the day. That's what I wanted him to say, but instead he said, "let's just go a few steps, we don't have to go to Heart Lake. We'll just go until we need to stop." That seemed manageable to me, a few steps. I agreed and we stepped back on the trail, moving at a snail's pace. My legs felt like cement pillars, my body feeble. But a few steps I could do, and then a few more. Those steps connected together until I had gone a mile, and then another. Along the way, I started to be fed. Nourished by the vibrant colors of the wild flowers, the mountain vistas and the flowing stream. I was doing nothing but putting one foot in front of another and they were breathing life into me. The magic was beginning. When we finally reached Roger's Lake my heart was dancing. I felt I had accomplished the impossible. Transformation was unfolding. Magic was dancing around me and joy and inspiration were flooding my body at a rapid pace. And yet, we had not yet reached Heart Lake. I looked up. There it was, the steep incline concealing our destination. There was no way I was going to reach Heart Lake without ascending to the top. I said, "I'm good here. I'm fine staying at Roger's Lake. Herm said, "c'mon, it's not far." Sigh, one foot and then the other. I knew we were close to the destination and I had a new confidence in my ability so I packed up my bag faced the mountain. Soon we were at the top, looking across the meadow to the beautiful heart-shaped lake. I made it. I was done. My own heart was wide open, expanding, welcoming, my senses absorbing the entire moment. We made our way to a clearing and I laid my body down on the earth and felt its energy rise up into me, its strong, permanence supporting me. I was no longer weak and floating, but strong and supported. I felt the magic all around me and sent out whispers of gratitude. By the time we got back down the mountain, I had hiked 10 miles that day, the most I had every done. But more importantly I learned that magic can exist in my most challenging moments. If I would have turned and gone home, I never would have experienced that power. I didn't have to take leaps or use my mind to figure out how to get it, I just had to take a few steps and then a few more. I had to want the magic and trust that it would come to me. My cognitive skills had little to do with my abundance on this day. It was about the intention of getting there, and then, just moving. Later that day, I was off the mountain, and found myself reflecting on what had just happened and how it helped me gain more information for my question about living in abundance and magic in the face of challenge. I learned that when life, or even a moment, crashes into my day there are actions I can take:
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